guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
