Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
