i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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