This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
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