oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
