I love black thongs
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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