I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize
