I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
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