im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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