made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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