Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize