Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
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