I feel like abortions should bother me more
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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