i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
are you so shy because you have an std?
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
