Apparently you make a good broom.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
