at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Randomize
