Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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