Duck Duck Cougar?
is wine microwaveable?
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
