YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
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