does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
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