Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
