Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
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