so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
