Fine. I'll sleep in my office
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
you will always have a special place in my vag
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
