I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
