is your mom at the bar?
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
