I don't usually arrange sex via text message
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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