So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
