Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
