Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Randomize
