she smelled like a LAN party
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize