I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
