Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
She told me I should be a condom model.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
