Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
