i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
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