New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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