I'm lost and stupid without you.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
