i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
