I wish I could teleport
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
