Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Randomize
