im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
