My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
