Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
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Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
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It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
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