So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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