Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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