So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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