If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
