During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
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I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
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It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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