Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
