I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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