i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
