we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
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so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
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What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus