Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.