Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
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YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
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Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in