I'll bet she douches with gravy.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.