i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize