Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
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Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
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She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.