We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
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apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
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Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.