I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.