I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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