well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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