I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
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just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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