exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
