I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
