It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
