I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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