apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize