If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
