READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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