i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
