How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
