was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
