i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I stole a fireplace last night.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
